A Dream On The Train
Welcome to the next daily installment of this true story, which you can find posted here each afternoon until it comes to an end.
Chapter 107: A Dream On The Train
At about 3 a.m. Monday morning, on my return trip, I woke from a dream briefly and went back to sleep. Details of the dream remained clear many hours into the day. I saw glimpses of the dream.
At about 8 a.m. the same day, about 5 hours after the dream, that person from the dream boarded the California Zephyr for the first time.
At about 10 a.m. that day, I met that person for the first time, at least the first time that I know of. Some hours later, I realized it was the person from the dream. There was a glimpse of the person that made it clear it was the person from the dream.
I was confused about this dream, but slowly the understanding of it became more clear.
As the book of Joseph says, interpretation of dreams is from God (Genesis 40:8). Daniel similarly demonstrates how interpretation of dreams are from God (Daniel 2). God slowly revealed things to me about the dream. It became clear the dream was from God.
Tuesday night, the following evening, for the first time in my life, I realized this was a way God has spoken to me before. Tuesday night, I entered into a new understanding of God. By about 6 p.m. I was home. My first Amtrak mission trip was now over, and after weeks of eager growth in preparation for this trip, and after nine days of eager growth on this mission trip, growth beyond anything I have ever experienced, God did not wait long to grow me in a new way in the minutes after I returned home.
That evening, I had some groceries delivered to my home, including a pumpkin pie. God had given me a very clear shopping list. I showed the delivery man out, came back down the hallway, turning down the second hallway thinking about the person from the dream, and I realized at that moment, pie in hand, looking down the hallway, that I had dreamt some years ago about the person from the dream and two other people I knew.
You can imagine I did a stutter step for a moment and paused in shock as I recognized what was happening.
You might wonder how I can dream about a person before I meet that person. It is a fair question. I have stopped asking it, because I know that it happens to me. I do not understand how it happens, but I know it happens, much like I do not entirely understand why the light goes on when I flip the light switch but I still know it works. To stop and insist on an answer to the reason “Why?” when all I need is for the properly functioning light to come on in a dark room would be a distraction. In fact, sometimes “Why?” is the most self-debilitating thing you can ask. Sometimes you just need to turn on the light switch.
Well, when I do not know what to do, I pray. As I was in utter shock at what I had just witnessed, it is fair to say that I did not know what to do.
I prayed over this dream from years before, this dream of turning a corner down the second hallway, with a pumpkin pie in hand, wrestling about a conversation with a person from the dream. I prayed asking God for understanding. And it wasn't long before I had some answers.
Part of the dream was the understanding that those three people in the dream had the same spirit. Those three people — two who I know very well and a third that I had only met the day before — had the same spirit. This, again, was shown to me in a dream of some years earlier that I did not know how to interpret until I had turned that corner, and realized I was there in the middle of the dream, only that it was real life, real life predicted by the dream from some years earlier.
I cannot entirely understand what “the same spirit,” means, but the Bible speaks extensively about the spiritual realm. There is no question that the Bible shows that a spirit realm, unseen to us, exists. “The same spirit,” says that there is something common between those three people, something influenced by the supernatural, something they welcome into their lives from the supernatural. I am not talking about ghosts the way Hollywood belittles the idea, but I am talking about spirits, a concept the Bible takes very seriously. For example, King Saul turns against God’s wishes when he seeks a soothsayer, the Witch of Endor to wake the spirit of Samuel from the dead (1 Samuel 28) so that Saul can seek guidance from Samuel. The Bible has no question that spirits are real.
Also, the Bible is clear that seeking aid from a witch is no way for a servant of the Almighty to answer questions. Seeking answers from God is. (1 Chronicles 10:13-14) I do not say that because I have read a book on it or heard a sermon on it, but because I have lived out life diligently attempting to obey God, while also reading through the Bible several times over the course of the year, and asking God to reveal things to me. Sometimes that is correction. Sometimes that is encouragement. Sometimes that is wisdom. Sometimes that is preparation for the day ahead. Often, it is related to exactly what I am going through and wrestling with at a given moment. How often that happens. I have dozens of times read passages about interpretation of dreams in the Bible, and many more passages about seeking counsel from God in all things. I knew exactly who I had to turn to when this uncertainty emerged. Yes, there was uncertainty, but how there was also such tremendous calm. This was the peace that passes all understanding that the Bible refers to. (Philippians 4:7) In the midst of an incredibly destabilizing nine days, with few creature comforts, little rest, and constant service to God, and in the midst of a living through a dream from several years before, an experience that shook me to my core, in the midst of that, I was in such tremendous peace, an amount of peace that I cannot explain, because it “passes all understanding.” Except, I can explain it. It is exactly the peace that God promises His servants in the Bible. I knew exactly why I was in such peace. Let me elaborate further on a gift from God that came out of that dream, that left me in further peace.
In the dream, there was a moment of confirmation in my life, that came as a result of the dream. This dream of several years earlier brought a confirmation that as strange as the moment might seem to me, as uncertain as the moment might seem, the fingerprints of God were all around me, and this moment as I turned the corner, down to many details had been shown to me years earlier. The home I lived in, the strange grocery delivery I received at almost 11pm, the phone call I had just had, the train trip I would never have scheduled for myself, and which I did not buy a ticket for until 15 minutes before it left, a person I met on the train, a painful schism in my family, even the pumpkin pie in my hand — this was all confirmation for me that I was exactly where I needed to be, doing exactly as I was supposed to be and to not worry. You see, even this detail of the pumpkin pie was something I would never have myself put in my hand, especially the pumpkin pie in my hand, perhaps for me the wildest of details from the entire image, showed to me how much God’s fingerprints were all around me. This had all been dreamt and I now stood in the dream, except it was not reality.
You see, this was God saying to me, “Allan, you are walking the exact path that I have called you to walk. You are exactly where I want you. Have peace in all you are experiencing, for you are walking in my will, my son.”
Some years before, I realized that I do not experience what some call “deja vu.” I experience premonitory dreams. At least I believe that is the right word for them, though I have never sought any kind of text or expert on the topic, outside of the plain English meaning of the word premonition. They are dreams that depict the future with such a clear glimpse, yet do so before that moment takes place. As I turned that corner, another dream came to make sense.
Another dream like that had been revealed to me two years earlier. This was now a third dream. Three people in my life appeared in the third dream. All were in a very specific dream years earlier, one of whom I had never met at the time I had the dream. After Tuesday night’s dream, I understood that earlier dream better: all three have the same spirit. Both dreams said this to me: all three people in the dream have the same spirit. With clarity, all three people came into such a line with each other that it was impossible for me to miss the striking similarity of these three different people from different walks of life and from different times in my life.
What do I do with that now? I don’t know. When I don’t know, I pray. So I will pray more. God showed me a new side of himself and gave me a new glimpse on how to make sense of dreams — both through this experience and through the Bible.
I share this detail of a premonitory dream not to declare myself as one having a special skill. This is what most people make of such sharing. They can do no other. I do not fault such people for coming to that conclusion. I simply ask them to realize they may be limited in their ability to understand this and those limitations may be limitations they are embracing rather than willingly growing beyond. They may actually be more willing to embrace their old enfeebling comfortable limitations than they are willing to do something uncomfortable that God is calling on them to do. It is fair to say this much: If you think I have a special skill, then you are missing part of how God operates. This has nothing to do with me. I’m a willing vessel for God, nothing more.
It is no special skill. It is God revealing more of himself to me. It is God revealing to me how the world works and how He works. He transcends time and will show glimpses of himself to us the more we seek Him. He will do that with all of us. He does not wish to be a part of what we seek. He wishes to be the first that I seek and the ultimate that I seek. He wishes the same for you. Seek ye first the kingdom of God says Jesus in the book of Matthew. You will have no other Gods before me writes Moses, quoting God in several books. God wants to be the ultimate in your life.
If you think it is about a certain man having a special skill, you, may, for example, be stuck in a form of competitive “scoreboarding” in which you weigh yourself against others. If you think it is about a certain man having a certain ability, you are missing the glimmer of God around us. The world wants that of you. It wants you to believe all that comes from a man is a result of his hard work (more commonly said among conservatives) or perhaps his luck (more commonly said among liberals) or perhaps some combination. The world has many excuses to offer for how things come to be, but it will seldom attribute it to God. God gets brought up by the world 1.) to belittle God (mocking God has almost become a national pastime), 2.) to curse God (you, like many, may use God’s name as a curse word more than you invoke his name in prayer), and 3.) to blame God ( An example of that would be, “How could God have let this happen?” screamed out by a parent, or by a neighbor, or perhaps just by a devious atheist. )
I write this account out of praise to God. I write to share with you what it means for God to show himself to us. It is not a physical figure showing you how many fingers he has or how he smells after a day of heavy work — though perhaps such detail is how some people experience God. It is not just how I believe we should all expect to interact with the spiritual world.
In Isaiah 6, the prophet goes into the throne room and sees angels circling God. With each rotation they see another glimpse of God, and in awe, they call out “Holy!” Each time they circle God they see a new aspect of Him. Each glimpse of God they encounter, they cry out in shock. They can’t believe how amazing God is, yet sure enough, they just witnessed exactly that.
And then how do they find even more amazement? By seeking Him, and wishing to know him better. All the angel has to do, all any of us have to do, is to seek Him more, and we will see Him. We will see glimpses of Him that will leave us in such awe. We thought the moment earlier when He showed Himself to us was the most shocking thing we had ever seen. And maybe it was. Sure enough, the very next moment He shows us even more amazement. And all we had to do in order to again get to know Him better and to be in total awe by our new realization of Him we one simple thing — to seek Him.
In Isaiah 6, the angel merely does one more rotation around God before he is again in utter awe, in shock, his jaw agape, as he knows how to do nothing in response to what he has just learned of God, but to call out “Holy!” There are moments in my own life, when I am so stupefied by how amazing God is, as previously stated, that I find myself unable to do much other than to say “Thank you God! Thank you God! Thank you God!” over and over again, with the visit to First Lutheran Church Tulare being one example of that.
It can get pretty intense pretty fast with God, if you are willing to let it. You can know Him better than you ever imagined, if you just scoot yourself out of the way and seek Him, and with these glimpses of Him, as he reveals Himself, you will know things you never imagined.
God wanted to show himself to the Israelites at Sinai (Deuteronomy 18:15-22). They fled. They wanted no part in that. They rejected Him. Instead God said he would send them prophets to interact with them on His behalf. But the prophets are not needed. God is accessible to you, and desires to be accessible to you. He came down in human form to know you even more intimately and for you to know Him even more intimately. All you need to do is seek Him.
The dream is not saying anything special about me. I am no more special than you. Do not do yourself the disservice of thinking that any part of this book is me trying to act like I am so special. I am operating under no such preconceived notions, and even if I were, that would be no reason that you should stop yourself from asking the question, “How can I be doing more of what God has intended for my life?”
The dreams I describe, I believe, are examples of God showing glimpses of Himself to me as I crave to be closer to Him. God gave me a little glimpse of Himself, maybe just as much as He knows I can handle: a snapshot of a conversation, a pumpkin pie, and a hallway. Do you really think such a thing makes me think I am all that special? I don’t. It is a piddly little glimpse of God, enough to get Allan to the next tiny baby step in his walk with Christ, to the next tiny little baby step in his walk with God. It is the next little baby step, without leaving Allan suffocated by God’s glory. He knows what we need and gives it to us.
Though there is so little of Him that we can handle, He still loves us and give us what we can handle. I am sharing with you in this book, the little glimpses of God’s love that I have been able to handle, and the reaction to some people reading this will be various forms of them demonstrating that they are either unable or unwilling to handle what is here written — at least that describes some reactions to the story of these nine days.
Even Moses was protected from God in this way. Moses wanted to see all of God (Exodus 33:18-20), but God said that it would not be possible for Moses to see all of God and to live, for no man could see all of God and live. God’s glory is wonderful and can also be too much for us to be able to handle, so it seems that God, in all His wisdom and love, gives us what He knows we can handle and not more.
Not only did that dream leave me in total awe, but it still leaves me in total awe as I write this. We must remember that there is so much more to God than a dream. But that dream is a gift. And we don’t focus on the gift. We focus on getting to know God all the more, like the angels constantly circling him in His throne room (Isaiah 6). Where neat gifts exist, some people might find themselves focussing on the gift, and putting that before God, the giver of the gift. That would be idolatry. That is true even where the gift is not tangible. We are to focus on the giver of the gift and not the gift. In the book of Proverbs, Solomon writes that this is wisdom the angels are obtaining. All the other learning of the world is not wisdom. There is only one starting place for wisdom: being in awe filled respect of God, or “fearing God,” as Solomon writes in Proverbs 9:10 (KJV), “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”
I am increasingly learning to turn myself over to God, to be able to say “God’s will be done,” and to be able to see what that means, to do that will for a given moment, and to go into that situation with peace, and confidence, and authority, rather than kicking and screaming. No, I am not trying to elevate myself or any other man when I share these stories. I am trying to share with you how badly God wants you to reach out to Him with all your heart and to put Him first. And to do so unceasingly. And he will leave you awestruck, as well — awestruck by moments like you doing something as mundane as carrying a pumpkin pie down the hallway.
Don’t seek the insight. Don’t seek the gift. Don’t seek any benefit. Just get to know Him as well as you can. Read the Bible every day. Pray every day. Even pray unceasingly. (1 Thessalonians 5:17) Ask him to put you to work every day. And as He slowly reveals himself to you don’t run. Say “Speak Lord your servant is listening,” as Eli told Samuel to do in 1 Samuel 3:7-11 (NIV). And then like Abraham, do what you are told. Don’t delay. Don’t put it off for months. Don’t put it off at all. Abraham, after being given instruction by God to sacrifice his son the next morning (Genesis 22:2) did not hesitate.
It was a place that was at leas a three days away, and Abraham’s response to that command from God was the very opposite of delay, even the very opposite of what many of us would call an appropriate or reasonable delay. Abraham did the exact opposite. Abraham woke up early (Genesis 22:3).
He did not even wake up at his normal time. He woke up early. That is what we are being called to do. We are being called to know God’s will and to not delay at all in doing it. And do you know what He will do? He will show us more of Himself, He will let us grow in intimacy with Him. He will give us more of His work to do as He comes to see us as more and more trustworthy, but also as He comes to realize that we are more and more capable of being able to handle more of Him.
No man is special. God is special. He crosses time. He knows all. He is all powerful, to the point that healing a broken bone or a broken home is not very complex for Him, the way it seems complex to us. The more we allow ourselves to know Him, the more He will share with us these parts of Himself, and we will, through little glimpses that we can handle, see the crossing of time, see insight from God, insight only He could know, see bones straighten, see God acting in the world and will be given the gift in such moments of being able to act as His willing, obedient servants.
Allan
This is a selection from my forthcoming book, “The Amtrak Vignettes.” A neat story began with the writing of “The Amtrak Vignettes” in October 2023. Every day until that story comes to an end, I intend to share a part of it here. It is a part of my faith journey as a Christian, a faith journey that has been deepened since the Ides of March 2020. Some of it gets pretty wild and nothing that a “reasonable” person would find himself in the midst of. Few will be scared off by it. Instead, many will grow deeper in their faith. I know that, because I know my readers well, and I know that few come here expecting me to give a milquetoast version of anything. Come here to be challenged. Stay here to have your life changed. That, I believe, is what will come of this work. You can support that work by signing up below.