He and his family fled communist China long ago, so that they would never again need to know a moment like this one. Now, here he stood, in his one-time dream land of California, facing off with a sheriff’s deputy in the lobby of a rundown, government hospital, speaking boldly to the officer that he demanded to see his father.
We need to JUST. SAY. NO. Short, but relevant story: September 2019, my mom was on her deathbed in a hospice in Worcester, MA. She had been there unconscious for 5 days, we knew it was a matter of only hours before she passed. During that 5 days, I just felt that this particular place was not the right place for her to take her last breath, in my heart I knew she wanted to die in Milford, MA where I had just moved and where she was planning to move before she got sick (why I felt that I don't know, but it was VERY strong, it was a demand). So, Friday morning I marched into the hospice administrator's office and said, "we don't want my mom to die here, please arrange for an ambulance to transport her to XXXX in Milford today". Well, you would have thought I had asked for my mother to be shot to the moon in a buggy - this woman was outraged: For 5 minutes she harangued me: "do you know your mother is DYING at any moment? Do you know she could DIE in that ambulance? Why would you want her to suffer during transport? Do you know that this is just not DONE? Do you know that if I had the legal power to keep her here against your wishes, I would?" (that was her look, not her words). When she finished, she almost had me - I was doubting myself. But then, something came over me ( I know it was my mother's spirit even though she was alive), I stood up and said, "my mother does not care WHERE she dies, even if it's in an ambulance, as long as her children are with her and we are doing what SHE wishes. Please arrange an ambulance NOW." And that bureaucrat did. As we gathered my mother on the stretcher to be transported I whispered in her ear (even though she was unconscious), "Ma, please do NOT die in that ambulance and prove that lady right".
And that taught me such a valuable lesson: Right is might. And when it comes to doing right by your parents on their deathbed, you can move the world. (Postscript: my mom arrived at her new hospice at 7 pm, and passed at 3 am that night. She was where she needed to be to pass peacefully.)
Sep 17, 2022·edited Sep 17, 2022Liked by Allan Stevo
So upsetting, I felt violent for a few moments, in which case I hand it over to God to recalibrate. Same story with my 93 yr old Dad at the Veterans Administration West LA. I have not seen him in 2 1/2 yrs except by Skype. His deterioration is stomach churning- he lies in bed alone day after day with no company, no involvement. They could care less that I am the one person left on earth who not only realizes his worth, but longs to commune with him. He is not a worthless old shell. He is scintillating: at once a boy, man, husband, father , tennis player, dreamer, in essence a complex limitless soul.
Dad,I may never see you again but know this, our Spirits are intertwined, we will meet far far away from these pitiful dead beings to whom love is wavering & conditional. I love you forever for who you are and what you have given me, after all, Love is Eternal.
I thought you told us about this the other day. Maybe I'm getting more than one of your email lists? In any case, great article and absolutely agree. It's hard though. There's a lot of different ways to have "a lot to lose" and some of us can afford to risk loss in different ways than others. So I think we gotta choose which battles wisely.
Also, I like the new format much better. The emails look much nicer and are easier to read.
We need to JUST. SAY. NO. Short, but relevant story: September 2019, my mom was on her deathbed in a hospice in Worcester, MA. She had been there unconscious for 5 days, we knew it was a matter of only hours before she passed. During that 5 days, I just felt that this particular place was not the right place for her to take her last breath, in my heart I knew she wanted to die in Milford, MA where I had just moved and where she was planning to move before she got sick (why I felt that I don't know, but it was VERY strong, it was a demand). So, Friday morning I marched into the hospice administrator's office and said, "we don't want my mom to die here, please arrange for an ambulance to transport her to XXXX in Milford today". Well, you would have thought I had asked for my mother to be shot to the moon in a buggy - this woman was outraged: For 5 minutes she harangued me: "do you know your mother is DYING at any moment? Do you know she could DIE in that ambulance? Why would you want her to suffer during transport? Do you know that this is just not DONE? Do you know that if I had the legal power to keep her here against your wishes, I would?" (that was her look, not her words). When she finished, she almost had me - I was doubting myself. But then, something came over me ( I know it was my mother's spirit even though she was alive), I stood up and said, "my mother does not care WHERE she dies, even if it's in an ambulance, as long as her children are with her and we are doing what SHE wishes. Please arrange an ambulance NOW." And that bureaucrat did. As we gathered my mother on the stretcher to be transported I whispered in her ear (even though she was unconscious), "Ma, please do NOT die in that ambulance and prove that lady right".
And that taught me such a valuable lesson: Right is might. And when it comes to doing right by your parents on their deathbed, you can move the world. (Postscript: my mom arrived at her new hospice at 7 pm, and passed at 3 am that night. She was where she needed to be to pass peacefully.)
So upsetting, I felt violent for a few moments, in which case I hand it over to God to recalibrate. Same story with my 93 yr old Dad at the Veterans Administration West LA. I have not seen him in 2 1/2 yrs except by Skype. His deterioration is stomach churning- he lies in bed alone day after day with no company, no involvement. They could care less that I am the one person left on earth who not only realizes his worth, but longs to commune with him. He is not a worthless old shell. He is scintillating: at once a boy, man, husband, father , tennis player, dreamer, in essence a complex limitless soul.
Dad,I may never see you again but know this, our Spirits are intertwined, we will meet far far away from these pitiful dead beings to whom love is wavering & conditional. I love you forever for who you are and what you have given me, after all, Love is Eternal.
Thank you for this🙏🏻♥️
I thought you told us about this the other day. Maybe I'm getting more than one of your email lists? In any case, great article and absolutely agree. It's hard though. There's a lot of different ways to have "a lot to lose" and some of us can afford to risk loss in different ways than others. So I think we gotta choose which battles wisely.
Also, I like the new format much better. The emails look much nicer and are easier to read.
Allan, please, what is the update on this fellow's mission to return to the presence of his loved one?
I didn't get this even though I have a subscription. I get the ones about face masks. Why am I not getting these other writings?